Have you ever met someone who can captivate a room as soon as they enter it and instantly become the center of attention? You can’t help but hang on their every word and as soon as they leave, you’re left with feeling of adoration and respect that seems almost magical.
In this heightened state, you can’t quite find right words to explain this affect they have on you; most people can’t. That’s because charisma is one of the most mysterious topics there are and the most challenging to define. Charisma is composed of a constellation of factors and if it’s missing any of those essential ingredients, it ceases to be real charisma and becomes something else that is less spellbinding.
Some examples of highly charismatic people include the following:
- Aaron Eckhart
- Marilyn Monroe
- James Woods
- Morgan Freeman
- Bill Clinton
- Sean Connery
- Al Pacino
- Dwayne Johnson
- Ellen Degeneres
- Joe Pantoliano
You may have wondered at one time what makes these people so charismatic and how you can attain this skill set for yourself. If you continue reading, you’ll find the answers to both of these questions and perhaps something else that is life-changing along the way.
These people are and were stars because people find them irresistible not to pay attention to. When they walk in a room, people can’t help but look at them. When they talk, people can’t help but listen. It all boils down to having an irresistible personality that draws people.
These people are and were amazing to observe but with dedication and practice, any of us can match their level of charisma or even higher. All of us have raw untapped power inside of us but we have to learn to be genuine with ourselves and release it freely and uninhibitedly.
The following are 12 fundamentals of charisma that you can add to your life starting today:
- Become a symbol of what people most desire — Movie stars, musicians, and political leaders mesmerize their fans because they represent what their fan bases most idolize. Establish yourself as a leader of a movement or lifestyle you are most passionate about that closely parallels what others desire and people will naturally gravitate to you and listen to what you have to say.
- Practice your body language and facial expressions in front of a mirror — If you’ve ever watched a movie without the sound on, you can easily tell what emotion the actors are trying to convey without you even hearing them talk. That is because actors are masters of body language. Are you known as someone who can express their emotions this eloquently on a daily basis? If not, practice the eye-catching hand gestures, postures and facial expressions you are most likely to use in everyday life and you will heighten your charisma and personal magnetism considerably.
- Make people feel special — The people in your life won’t admire you for long if you don’t make them feel better about themselves when they are around you. So compliment them, give them hope that they can achieve their goals, and treat everyone you know with fairness and dignity. If they respect you, they will look up to you as a person to go to for guidance.
- Wear high-quality clothing — When I say high-quality clothing, I don’t necessarily mean a suit and a tie through it can’t hurt too much in some occasions if you are a male. Wear quality clothing that best fits your personality and style. Buy the best watches you can afford, the best shoes, the best pants, and the best shirts. If you look like someone important, people will perceive you as important and give you their attention.
- Act like you’re the star of your own movie — If your life was a movie and you were the star, would people want to go see it? If not, start going to new places, start doing new things, and start saying things that would make people find your life more interesting than theirs.
- Associate yourself with quality — One of the fastest ways to raise peoples’ perceptions of you is the associate yourself with a higher life-style. Think about what you would do with your life if you had 10 million dollars in your bank account at this very second and converse about all the interesting things and people that would be in your life right now. You don’t have to mention the 10 million dollar part, just talk about what you know is interesting and desirous to the both of you. Take their mind to far-away places and they will find your view of the world to be highly seductive.
- Develop a unique style or brand that others will want to imitate — Imitation is the strongest form of flattery. If you have a style or a way of doing things that people admire and find very difficult to surpass, they will want to be around you because they want some of that grandeur to rub off on them.
- Be yourself: Don’t care what people think about you — In general, you shouldn’t be too concerned about what people think of you. Thinking too much about what people think puts you in a needy attitude where you compromise who you are as a person to cater to other peoples’ ideals instead. Don’t make this mistake; too many people do. That’s why there’s so little originality in this world. Follow your heart, describe life as you see it and stand up for what you really believe in. You’ll eventually find people who admire you for who you are instead of just a fabricated version of yourself.
- Expect success in your relationships with people — A positive attitude is infectious. One of the best ways to keep yourself in a positive mood around people is to constantly think “what if.” Normally, when people think “what if,” it’s associated with some sort of fear or anxiety. Instead, think “what if” something good happens to put your mind in the mode of looking for success. Not only will you be more likely to succeed with people but they will pick up on that attitude, let some of it rub off on them and they will love being around you more as a result.
- Appear completely confident in yourself — Indicate with your body language, voice, and your words that you are completely confident in yourself and where you are going in life. If you do this, you are more likely to put people at ease. They will believe that this confidence came about for a very good reason and they will want find out more about you to find out why.
- Sell yourself and your ideas — You have to learn how to sell yourself and your ideas effectively so that the people you meet will have a favorable impression of you. Don’t be too bold about it but work it in your conversations carefully so that they’ll direct their attention considerably more to your good areas than your bad areas. Lightly talk about the benefits of your ideas and what they could mean to them and they’ll more likely be interested in hearing more.
- Connect with people — You’ll never persuade someone to follow your ideas unless you first connect with them. Find anything that you have in common with people that they place high value on and use that as your starting point. From then on, it should be smooth sailing.
As you’ve probably realized by now, when most people write about charisma and the techniques we can use to increase it, they usually don’t put much thought into it. In fact, they are usually so far off the mark that we wonder if they’re talking about charisma at all. But I hope this article makes a real difference in your life. This one is the real deal.
Using these 12 fundamentals of charisma, you’ll see a difference in your relationships because I guarantee that any of us can clearly see these techniques in use by the charismatic people in our lives. Choose the one that most interests you and start your path on mastering it today. Once you’ve mastered that, start on the next one that interests you and master that. If you follow these basic steps, you will have a considerably higher level of charisma than most people in your life.
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Do you have any other suggestions that would help us become more charismatic? You’re more than welcome to share your ideas in the comments below.
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Tim, I thought this was excellent. I appreciate it when someone takes a topic that seems a bit obscure and breaks it down into understandable components. I believe that almost every worthwhile characteristic can be broken down into a series of specialized skills. A point which you just demonstrated with your 12 fundamentals of charisma. Well done!
Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..Is Your Integrity For Sale?
Thank you, Jonathan. This was the post that I without a doubt enjoyed writing the most. For an ambiguous topic like charisma, it is absolutely essential to break it down into understandable components to make the writing seem complete. I’m glad you enjoyed it and I hope it changes the way people view charisma forever.
Nice tips here, and lots of things to work on! Thanks for writing it.
Oscar – freestyle mind´s last blog ..How to Pragmatically Integrate Any Habit in Your Life
I appreciate it, Oscar. Thanks for stopping by!
Hi Tim, I’ve really enjoyed reading this post. Charisma is a topic I’m very interested in. I’ve read some books and I’ve known some charismatic people, and you are quite right with your understanding of what is requierd to be charismatic.
See you Tim
David | ilcantone.com´s last blog ..HOW TO DEVELOP PERSISTENCE
Thanks for stopping by, David. So far, I’ve only come across two books that effectively scratch the surface of what charisma is:
1. Charisma: Seven Keys to Developing the Magnetism that Leads to Success – Tony Alessandra
2. Win the Crowd – Steven Cohen
Those contain teachings that are definitely worth checking out and putting into practice.
Hi Tim,
I really enjoyed this post, which I came across after you “followed” me on Twitter and I started checking you out to see if I wanted to follow you too! You have broken down Charisma and de-mystified it. Yes, many people are born with a certain skill in that area, but it’s a bit like being a talented musician – it won’t work if you never practise! Likewise, we need to practise all the skills that we hope will become “natural”.
Regards,
Daria
Good point, Darcia.
It’s true that most charismatic people were either genetically prepositioned for that trait or they lived a childhood where it was inevitable they would develop traits that would charm and lead people.
Though it is harder to develop charisma at a later age, I think it is possible as long as we stay in tune with our beliefs and values and present them in a way that attracts most people.
Tim,
I like what you have written although I do think you have missed off the one person that I hear time and again is the most charismatic person on the planet one on one, and that’s Bill Clinton. I’d love to meet the guy just to see if it’s true.
The one thing I’m not convinced about is # 4. I think truly charismatic people can transcend clothing. By all account Gandhi and Nelson Mandela (when he was in Robyn Island) were pretty charismatic people as was Mother Theresa.
I do think that #3 is THE most important of the lot.
It’s terrific that you decided to stop by, Tim.
Bill Clinton has proven himself time and time again that he can connect with the emotions of people from every background in the world. That is an extremely rare trait for any human being. I was actually about to list him in the post but I figured one President was probably enough. I’m tempted to go ahead and add him because he’s simply too charismatic to ignore.
And you’re right about the expensive cloths. That alone won’t make someone charismatic but it can give someone the edge of appearing “high status.” But Gandhi and Nelson Mandela are terrific examples of charismatic people who drew people mainly through their connectiveness, convictions and ideas.
I agree that # 3 is a prominent choice because if someone looks high and mighty but they appear to snub people or look down at them, their power to influence others will eventually go bust.
Thanks for the insights, Tim. See you soon.
Hi Tim,
Interesting post. Actually, the original meaning of the word “charisma” means to connect with the Christ within you. Meaning to connect with the Divine and Holy which already is within. So when someone is charismatic, it is because they are in touch with that innate Divinity.
And as for Bill Clinton, he is very charismatic in person. He maintains great eye contact and makes you feel like you are the only person in the room.
Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog ..When in Doubt: To Be Like John or Jesus? Part Two
Very interesting details about the origin of the word charisma, Nadia. I’ve heard it before and you jsut bought it back to my memory.
And Bill Clinton is definitely the one of the most charismatic people in the world. I’ve never seen him in a situation where he didn’t appear to be in complete control of himself and his surroundings.
Brilliant topic idea:) I think the last one is key – connecting with eye contact and touch. Just a hand on someone’s elbow for example. It’s true that even badly dressed and plain people can be charismatic with the right twinkle in their eyes.
You’re right, Annabel. Giving firm eye contact and touching people every now and then is a good way to make a connection. We have to give before we get.
Excellent post Tim!
To me #8 about being yourself is the most important one for being charsimatic.
When you are being totally authentic and yourself, you allow yourself to be vulnerable and open to be seen for who you really are. And that is such an attractive quality that people are bound to be taken by you.
I do not mean faking it either – people will know when you are being genuinely authentic or not.
This also leads into your point #3 – making people feel special. Make them feel they are the only person in the world who matters:-)
As for the discussion above about the clothes you wear, I don’t think it matters as much as the other points, but wearing nice clothes and knowing you look good in them will naturally instill greater confidence and charm in you. And every little bit helps!
Part of Cary Grant’s charisma was his famous suits. Of course, having that million dollar smile and being a film star helped too:-)
Arvind Devalia´s last blog ..Catch a Bus to Juice up Your Life!
You’re right, Arvind. Revealing as much about ourselves as possible is a great way to generate trust and and a sense of commonality with others.
Giving people all of our attention and making them feel important is also a must for anyone who wants to connect with people. We can’t build a deeper relationship with someone without becoming more in sync with them.
I appreciate you stopping by.
Great list – love the break down and the comments just add to the topic. Thanks for sharing. This is a timely post as I begin a speaking tour next month for my new book – will need to practice in the mirror before going on stage. I’ll look up the books you suggest when next at the library.
I’m glad I was helpful to you, Donna. Best of luck on that speaking tour. Knock’em dead.
First time on your blog Tim and absolutely loved this post. Exactly what I needed at the moment.
Lana – DreamFollowers Blog´s last blog ..Life Purpose: Do you avoid challenges?
Thank you, Lana. When I write a post, I like to make sure it’s not exactly like the other ones of the same topic written by other people. I’m glad I found out about your blog as well.
Tim , I am reading “Tribes” by Seth Godin at the moment.
Here is what Seth has to say about charisma and being a leader (pages 107 – 108):-
“Think about the charismatic leaders you’ve encountered. They might be young or old, rich or poor, black or white, male or female, extroverted or shy. In fact, the only thing they seem to have in common is that they are leaders.
I think most people have it upside down. Being charismatic doesn’t make you a leader. Being a leader makes you charismatic.
There are leaders with speech impediments and a fear of public speaking. Leaders way donw the corporate ladder and leaders with no money or obvious trappings of power. There are ugly leaders too, so charisma isn’t about being attractive.
It’s easy to give in to your fear and tell your self that you don’t have what it takes to lead. Mostly people give up when they get to the charisma part of the checklist. “I wasn’t born charismatic, not like those other guys, so I guess I’ll just settle for following.”
The flaw in this reasoning is that those other guys weren;t born charismatic either. It’s a choice, not a gift.”
I highly recommend this key book by Seth Godin for anyone who wants to learn more about creating a following, abd being a charismatic leader.
Arvind Devalia´s last blog ..Don’t Fall in Love, Create Love!
Interesting, Arvind. I like Seth Godin’s writing style and I might go ahead and check that book out. Thanks for the book recommendation.
I once told a nice story about Bill Clinton. He took part in a conference by video link. The following day he called the on-stage presenter of the conference just to say “thanks for doing a good job”. Wow. Can you imagine getting a call from Bill Clinton? Charismatic and remarkable.
Scott that would be pretty amazing because I’m sure that on-stage presenter wasn’t expecting that call at all.
I still remember his speech from last years Democratic Convention and the huge buzz that produced. was without a doubt the most anticipated speech out of all the non-presidential candidates that year.
It takes more skill than a lot of people will admit when it comes to building suspense and stirring peoples’ emotions like that.
Nice post and discussion here.
Just a note about #4: Clothes should be compatible to our personality. Just imagine: Gandhi in a 1000$ suit. Or Bill Clinton in self woven clothes like Gandhi. I can hardly imagine this.
That’s true, Dico. A person’s choice of cloths can completely change peoples’ perceptions of them.
My favorite quote regarding Charisma is one I read in the excellent book “How to win friends and influence people,” the quote was of Benjamin Disraeli, “Talk to people about themselves, and they will listen to you for hours.” Of all the excellent concepts in that book, that quote is what has stuck with me, and I use it often.
Andrew Rodgers
Andrew Rodgers´s last blog ..Pixelpost to WordPress Migration
Absolutely, Andrew. I hope this comes across as realistic when I say that most people seem to care more about themselves than anyone or anything else in the whole world. And if someone helps us discover new and positive things about ourselves that we never knew before, we really can’t help but find that person charismatic.
John F Kennedy was another person renowned for being charismatic and uplifting.
Awesome list Tim
Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last blog ..4 Years And 6 Key Lessons From Blogging
Thank you, Amit. To me, JFK’s charisma seemed to stem the most from his image. He was certainly younger, fresher, and more uplifting than Dwight Einsenhower or any other President before that time, but his private life didn’t seem very consistent with his public appearance.
But he and his wife did help change the culture of America in a number of ways and for that, he was definitely a charismatic President.