There’s no doubt that helping others and being a nice person are highly-regarded qualities. Because of the people who volunteer in our communities and give without expecting anything in return, the world is a much better place. But sometimes people ask for too much help. Sometimes the price of helping others is too high and we need to moderate how much we’re willing to sacrifice.
Some examples of people who ask for too much include the following:
- Irresponsible relatives who constantly want more money
- Untrustworthy friends who constantly ask for favors that make you look bad and take up copious amounts of time
- Colleagues that demand disproportionate work from you with no promise of compensation
Dealing with these types of people can affect your self-confidence, your financial stability, your physical health, and your sanity. No matter how much you do for them, it won’t be enough for these people. They will suck all the energy out of you like leeches and leave you feeling empty inside. And the resentment you feel as a result of your relationships with these people could actually repel the people that you want most in your life and would give you the most happiness.
If someone consistently asks you to do things that you don’t want to do, you should find a way to get that person out of your life. If you can’t do that, at least put them in the background of your life so you won’t have to interact with them so much. Life is too short to be at someone’s every beck and call. No one has the right to order you around like they’re better than you.
What’s the point of repeatedly doing things that benefit them if you’re hurting yourself in the long run? Don’t get me wrong–being generous is a beautiful thing. There’s no doubt that being loyal to those who deserve it is very honorable and noble indeed. But sometimes people are just plain unreasonable when they ask so much of us.
If anything, people who ask you for the Moon are usually the most selfish people there are. They obviously don’t care about your happiness if they continually ask you for things that they are capable of working for themselves.
Follow your own dreams
Instead of working for someone else’s dreams so much, focus on your own dreams. Work for something that you believe in. Invest in a future that will bring you happiness instead of only bringing happiness to someone else. Don’t help other people achieve their agendas when they stop you from achieving your own agendas.
Never forget that you have every right in the world to live a life on your own terms. Whenever you have to make a choice about what you should do next, follow the path that you are most passionate about. Follow your heart as much as possible in every situation of life. Do what feels right to you and don’t let others persuade you to do things that go against your principles.
It takes courage to say no to peoples’ requests when they have grown dependent on you, but sometimes it’s for the good of everyone involved. They’ll be freed from the chains of having to depend on you and you’ll be freed from investing your time and energy into something that can never give you happiness and fulfillment.
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Keep a close eye on those who claim to be your close friends yet take advantage of your willingness to help others. People tend to use guilt as a way to make people fall into their psychological trap in order to receive a benefit. At the same time work on becoming a successful individual who has goals and a dream.
Here is a Tip: Plan Daily
Create a to do list and work from this list each day. Ask your self are the things i do on a daily basis going to allow me to be financially free within the next 2-3 years. If yes, continue. If no, then do what can make you financially free in 2-3 years.
“Be the change you want to see in the world”
– Gandhi
You’re right, Jonathan. I’ve met a few people who used guilt as a way to persuade me to do things that I didn’t really want to do. The practice of doing that seems covertly selfish and just downright cruel. If I ever did that to someone and was conscious of it, I’d be very ashamed of myself.
And I also agree that it’s much better to focus on living our lives in a way that would make us happiest. Getting a full grasp of our priorities is a great way to start.
My father used to always tell me to never be afraid to ask for something because there are only two answers you can receive; yes or no. His father used to tell him the same thing.
However, on the flip side learning how to say no was something I had to learn on my own. I learned it as an early adult and when I did I have to admit it felt great. It meant knowing that I was in control of what I would and would not do.
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Tim,
Absolutely ,i mean we all have been victims of guilt. Whether intentionally or unconsciously, none the less we must crease this type of communication. Guilt only hurts people and destroys the relationship all together. No one ever wants to feel guilty for something, even if it was their fault. It’s just plain wrong.
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@Bakari – I agree. It is important to say no sometimes because we’re all presented with propositions that do more harm than good. If we’re too nice, some people will take advantage of that and think they can get away with anything.
@Jonathan – It is terrible. When someone wants to put me in a guilt trip in order to motivate me to do something, I know right then and there that there’s probably not much to gain if I move forward with their proposition.
The examples you have stated above rings a bell on me. I have encountered those most of the time and I feel uncomfortable when I say no. I guess I’m a pleaser type of person.
Fortunately I have learned the lesson that serving others who are not worthy is a waste of my time and energy. You are right, it takes courage to say no.
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Thanks, Walter. I used to have trouble saying no to people too. But I got over it as I started to learn more about human nature.
Interesting points. I appreciate your response!